You know who they are. And you hate their damn guts. The coffee shop squatters. Those lazy, self entitled, sacks of goat testicles who take up an entire table for the free wifi, while they sip on a coffee that has gotten so old it’s somehow mutated into an entity that is capable of sexual relationships with the half eaten muffin with a science experiment growing on the side.

Get your bony fanny out of that seat and let the rest of us enjoy the coffee shop for its original intention. To sit down, drink coffee, and palaver.

*Bonus English lesson of the day! The term “Fanny” is a harmless term used for the butt over in the United States. However over here in England it has a different meaning altogether. A meaning that got me in trouble without me even realizing I was in trouble until someone had to explain to me; like a confused five year old child who didn’t know hot water would actually hurt his little sister (don’t judge me); that Fanny is actually synonymous with the term “Pussy”. So my harmless, and playful use of the phrase “Kiss my Aunt Fanny” was met not with chuckles and a golly gee whiz, but with looks of shocks, and a monocle or two falling into a cup of hot tea. (Which by the way, they put milk in!)

Happy Friday boys and girls. Go get your fannys outside and enjoy the weekend.

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